Extreme Parenting

Some people would call my parenting extreme. I would agree. Recently I took extreme measures with a lovely adorable little lady living under my roof. You see it seems this little one is suffering from an extreme case of discontentment, pickiness and ingratitude. She has been of late very picky about foods, very particular about her clothing, her family, her family’s financial means etc.
“I don’t like that.” She cries as I place a plate of nutritious fresh food before her “Do I have to wear that?” As I pull a blue floral dress out of her closet.
“Is there mushrooms in this?” “No”, I say “Yes there is! What is that brown thing?!?” She cries in sheer horror as if it were a live spider or someone’s missing finger on her plate. “Why can’t we go on trips like McKenna, she has gone to Hawaii, her grandma’s house, to Texas. We never go anywhere.”
Lately it has been a daily battle with getting dressed in the morning. It starts out the day on the wrong note and has been causing discord in our home. Now I am sure this is not a problem that is isolated to just my family. Does any of this sound like things you might hear coming from your little ones?
Again, some would say that my parenting is extreme. And extreme parenting calls for extreme measures. Now don’t get me wrong, for years I have instilled in this little one all the things most Christian parents will instill:
“There are children in other countries that have nothing! They would leap for joy to have even the clothing that we give to goodwill or throw in the trash!”
I have also taught her many verses that deal with this issue:
1 Tim 6:6-8“godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that” and
Hebrews 13:5 “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
I have explained to her that she must realize that she has the greatest possession on earth. That she has salvation before her. Freedom from eternal death and hell and a relationship with her creator. That He will never leave her nor forsake her! What more could you want? I have asked.
Now we know that ultimately it is the heart of the child that we want to reach. We are not behaviorist seeking to merely polish up a rotten apple. Because we know that even if the outside is all polished up the fruit still remains rotten to the core! We do not want to change behavior alone without using the word of God to strike at the conscience and the heart. And prayer to plead with our children’s maker for their salvation and sanctification. So, teaching God’s word is a most powerful thing and it is my prayer that one day these verses will come alive in my child’s heart and as she is saved will wield much power and practicality as she faces the trials God puts in her path. But I do not believe she is there yet. She does not treasure the truth of God’s word as one who is saved does, yet…. But I can tell you want she does treasure:
Cocoa Puffs, and fruity pebbles, macaroni and cheese, hamburgers and French fries, ice cream and cookies. She treasures variety in her foods and clothing… She treasures cheetah print stoles, and soft and puffy pink shawls, butterfly pins and earrings, and brown calf high boots, soft pink footsie kitty jimmies to lounge around in with squeals of delight…

Because I have seen the principal of “less meaning more” work so well in my children’s lives before I decided that day I was going to help this little one have a taste of what it means to have less. I have learned this principal from experience. And have seen a cured case of the “eeeewwwws & grosses” at the dinner table by removing the offender’s food until the next meal. I believe I had to do this two times. And that little one has not been in the habit of complaining about food since that day more than several years ago. She says “thank you” when I put a plate of food in front of her, and it makes mealtime so much more pleasant for everyone. Every once and a while I have to remind her but it has been extremely seldom. While we are on this subject let me share a few tips for helping your to be grateful rather than discontent about their food:
~Teach your kids to eat a variety of foods from a very young age.
~Children who can eat any meal set before them with a grateful heart are a blessing!
~Acts 2:46 They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts
~Luke 10:8 Jesus said "When you enter a town and are welcomed, eat what is set before you.”


So back to my little food & clothing complainer: that day I decided to give her a bowl of plain rice (no salt) for breakfast. I packed her a little Tupperware of plain rice for snack time at school. And another Tupperware of plain rice for lunch. As I explained her food plan for the day to her I reminded her of the Israelites who had to eat plain manna day in and day out in the desert for 40 years and how when they complained about the manna, the Lord’s anger burned against them as He sent so much quail for them to eat that it came out their nostrils and many of them died even as they ate it. I reminded her that “godliness with contentment is great gain” and that it grieves the heart of God when we are dissatisfied with all the wonderful blessings He has heaped upon us in our lives.
That day while she was at school, I removed about 7/8 of her wardrobe. I left her with a few sensible choices and plenty of clean underwear (I am not that extreme ok!?) I am not sure for how long this wardrobe adjustment will last. We will see how long it takes for her heart to change it perspective.
I can tell you that the rice diet worked beautifully. That girl was so grateful when I allowed her to eat something other than rice. And I have not heard a peep of a complaint yet. It has also even seeped into other areas as I saw her quickly correct her own bad attitude about being asked, after being asked to tackle a math lesson the night before it was actually assigned. I was watching her in the rearview mirror as I saw her correct herself and remove the scowl on her face just as I said her name. “I am not complaining” she said…
The Bible teaches us that "godliness with contentment in great gain" and we also see a wonderful example of the Apostle Paul, who, while in a cold, dark, wet prison & I have heard it taught chained to a Roman soldier so that he did not even have the privilege of using the potty in privacy, wrote these words "I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content,". So here we have Paul:
Persecuted, imprisoned, chained to a guard, cold, hungry, all alone, probably no bible, no fellowship, perhaps having some clothing on his back, but maybe not, not a possession in the world and joyfully content
Then we have my child:
Never been persecuted a day in her life, living in a free country, never had a shackle around her wrist, enjoys privacy, warmth, has a closet full of clothes, all the food she could possibly enjoy, a loving family, about 4 bible just of her own, about 34 littlest pet shop dolls, food that abounds and a heart that is discontent over the minutest things.
If my little one is having trouble being content with a closet full of clothing and foods which abound in quality, quantity and variety, then how will she fair as God calls her to be content with much bigger things in life? I feel very much that it is my duty to help her root out the wee roots of discontentment while she is young and under my authority
I was speaking with a mom casually on the phone a few weeks ago and she was sharing the anguish she was facing at the fact that she is watching her daughter grow in the love of money, toys, possessions, and that however much she has, it is not enough, she wants more. It is causing dissention with her friends and sisters. This little girl has not yet learned to apply the truth of the Hebrew 13:5 to her life (which is normal at her age)
Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
Now I know a lady, she is probably in her fifties. I have known her a long time and sadly she is a very discontent woman. So discontent that it is mere minutes into a conversation before she begins to complain about her life, her friends, her home, etc. It is discouraging for me to even spend too much time with her because she is so miserable. She has spent her whole life grasping after things that would make her happy, and has found that everything would bring her temporary happiness for a short time but in the end she is just grasping at straws. You see she has never learned the art of being content with what God has given her, with where he has placed her, with the trials he has allowed in her life.
Now let me give a little disclaimer here to remind you all of this:
You are not responsible for the salvation of your little one, nor is their sinful heart your cause or blame. Each soul stands alone before God and is responsible for their own sin. Another reminder is this: Getting serious about killing discontentment in your child now is not a guarantee that they will never struggle with it their whole lives long.
But we do have a serious responsibility to train up our children in the way they should go. The Scriptures command parents to train up children in the way they should go and raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Within this command is a task set before us help discourage negative character traits (lying, stealing, anger, selfishness, laziness, discontentment, etc) and to help them development positive character traits (honesty, self-control, loving kindness, contentment, being generous, diligence, etc.) Because children are born with a sin nature, they inherit a tendency to sin and to set sinful behaviors as a pattern for their whole lives. And a tendency to let little sins become monstrous weeds in their older age if left to themselves.
Now, maybe the rice diet and the wardrobe restriction won’t be the same way you will tackle the weed of discontentment in your life, that was just my example.
But as we look at the little ones God has placed in our life we do need to ask ourselves the question Christy posed to us last week. What will this look like in 40 years? Will giving my child whatever their heart’s desire, whenever their hearts desire it produce a crop of fruit or of weeds? Will being a short order cook at each meal (I have heard many a mom refer to themselves as this before) produce a child who is ready to have a content heart in the jungles of Africa as they spread the gospel and serve the Lord as a missionary? Will practically allowing seeds of discontentment now when they are young to take root in their hearts help them to later have joy in their lives even in trying times? Will allowing them to demand and become accustomed to demanding Cocoa Puffs instead of Cheerios prepare them to possibly live on one income as Christian young mothers so often do? Will running out and buying them the latest and greatest of this or that at their every whim help them to prepare for a life filled with cancer or poverty or persecution? Will allowing them to control the authority set over them (you the parent) through manipulation, tears, and whining, prepare them to come under the authority of a godly husband and elders and pastors of the church in their adulthood?