Teaching Your Childean about S** Part 2

Teaching in the Mileu (In the midst of life) continued:
Last year another advertisement that came up was “Zack and Miri Make a Porno”. Yeah, we had the pleasure of ride alongside this baby for weeks as it was pasted to the sides of buses for every kid in the world to see. And it wasn’t long before a sweet little innocent voice from the back said “Mommy, what’s a porno?” My heart sank because of the utter depravity of our society and pride of our utter depravity to wear it on our sleeves. Even so I had just been presented with another opportunity to teach in the mileu. “Sweetheart, pornos are pictures or movies of people being immodest & committing immorality” (The only reason I could explain it this way was because I had already laid the foundation for defining the word immorality at a previous time, if I had not, the moment would have been awkward and fearful for me) “And God hates pornography, and we should too. When we see it, we must turn our eyes away from it. When we see it, we can pray that Jesus will come quickly to take us away from the sinful world & home to heaven”
4) Simply define words for them: 4 year old child: “Mommy, What is gay?” Mom “It is when a man wants to marry a man instead of marrying a woman. God says that a man should marry a woman and not another man. It is sin. People who are gay need Jesus, just as we did before He saved us.” 6 year old child “Mommy, What is adultery?” “ It is when a daddy loves another woman instead of the woman God gave him to be his wife. It is sin and God hates it. Sometimes mommys want to love a different man than their own husbands. When you get married you are making a commitment to that person for your whole life long. You are promising to never love another man or woman in that same way. Adultery is breaking that promise.”
5) Set a good example in Your home
a) Do your children see you being affectionate with their Daddy? Do you have an open door policy in your home or do they understand that when Daddy and Mommy have their door closed, they MUST knock. Do your kids know that you find their Daddy handsome and irresistible? I love a story Dennis Rainey tells, it went something like this: “one of my children flew in threw our closed door one day when their mom and I were talking on the bed. I looked that child in the eyes and said ‘Someday you are going to throw that door open and when you do, you are going to get the most embarrassing lesson in sex in your life. When that door is closed it is OUR time!” I am sure the child was an older child…
6) Build sex up. I think when we come to approach the topic of sex, we must have in the forefront of our minds that sex is a good thing. Sex is a gift of God. Because of sexual sin, we can tend to have a fear of sex and of talking about it. Most of the sex we hear about it our society is perverse, sinful and a twisted distortion of what God intended it to be. Because of that we can wrongly project it in a shameful and negative light. But we do not want to communicate this shameful way of thinking to our children. We want to build it up. When I think back to how I was raised regarding this topic, one thing sticks out in my head. Sex is bad, don’t do it and if you do…….!!!!! I know my parents did the best they could with what they knew at the time, so I am not in any way trying to slam my folks. But, I was never offered a healthy perspective on sex and told that it was a gift from God to be cherished within marriage. My parents didn’t talk about it with me at all except for to tell me, “don’t do it”, so it was a very mysterious and forbidden thing that apparently was very evil and should be avoided. I still struggle with shaking those feelings and ideas today.
7) Lay down very specific boundaries early:
• How do I want my child to behave with the opposite sex before she is married?
• Do I want her to use her body, her eyes, and her girly ways to have power over boys and get her way?
• Do I want her to be flirtatious? What exactly is flirting? Talk about it...
• How do I want her to dress when she is 16? Seriously, think about it, and then teach her to dress that way now.
Some of the things we have covered in our house:
• As girls, or young women, we do not do anything with the opposite sex that we would not think would be okay between our mom and our pastor. For example:
o Would it be okay for mommy to write notes during a class with Pastor Jack?
o Would it be okay for mommy to call Pastor Jack, just to see what he is doing today?
o Would it be okay for mommy to tease Pastor Jack and take his hat away?
o How about writing on his arm, or giving him a back rub?
o How about staring at him so that whenever he looks my way, he meets my gaze?
o How about making sure I get to sit close to him during class?
Absurd! So why then is it okay for young people today to act this way amongst themselves with other peoples future husbands and wives?
• Your first kiss is something you give to your husband on your wedding day. That is why the pastor says: “You may NOW kiss the bride” (I KNOW some of my family members are going to chide me on this one, go ahead, chide all you want! ;) I recently went to a wedding where the pastor stressed that word upon giving the invitation to the groom to kiss his bride. He said “You may NOW kiss your bride” I don’t know if this couple saved their first kiss for marriage, but I hope they did. It seemed that way anyway and because of that there was something so much more special about that moment. Something that sent chills up my arms and tears to my eyes. And I am no one to them, not even related to them, imagine how special it was for them!!!
*I recommend The Princess and the Kiss & The Squire and the Scroll, two books for children on purity