Teaching your child about the S** word~ Part 1

Last year a mom approached me and asked me about how we approached the topic of sex with our girls. From that conversation we planned to have a informal moms night where I would teach how we did it in our home and provide an opportunity for moms to share what has worked for them. Last night, a mom mentioned to me that she noticed how open we are about talking to our kids about the topic of sex, love & relationships. She asked me some questions and it got me to thinking about this topic again. What we are doing in our home is STARKLY different from how I was raised and how this subject was broached by my parents as a young person. Many parents find this topic intimidating and awkward to say the least. And because it is so awkward they postpone bringing it up. Moms, I want to challenge you to rethink waiting and ask yourself if now might be the right time to begin to introduce your children to the topic of God's view on sex.
I pulled up the file I had written and wanted to share it here with you, whoever you are... :)
This is how our family has fleshed out what we feel is a biblical approach to teaching your children about the subject of sex. You may not agree with me about all I will share with you and that is okay. I do hope however that you are able to glean a few things from what has worked in our family. Ultimately you are responsible to God and your own husband for how you teach your children about this topic of sex, but this is what has worked for us:

1) Be sincere, and honest. Sincerity and honesty should permeate every word that comes out of our mouths. I would rather make a sincere mistake than to be dishonest or give half truths. I believe this is something that our children will pick up on as we communicate about the topic of sex. If a sex topic comes up that it is difficult for you to explain to them, such as “Mommy, what is pornography?”, tell them “you know this is a really difficult thing for me to try to figure out how to explain to you, but I am so glad you are asking me and trusting me to come to me with these types of questions. Can you give me a minute to think about how I want to answer this?” or “Can I talk with Dad about this and get back to you?” and then write it on your calendar, so you don’t forget and go back when you are comfortable. The more you do this, the easier it will get. Soon, you will feel very comfortable speaking about it and answering all their questions.

2) Formal Teaching: Some formal teaching is okay and even good, but there are some cautions to be mindful of when you approach the topic of sex in a formal manner. This leads me to my next point is going to be. Don’t make a big deal out of it.

3) Don’t make a big deal out of it. If talking about sex is an awkward, uncomfortable & formal discussion that is how it will feel as a subject to them. Awkward, uncomfortable, formal and something to avoid. They will not feel comfortable to ask questions as they arise, they may even begin to feel shameful about the subject, there might be secrecy and hidden things. This is not what we want! Treating sex this way can even carry over into their marriage beds and affect them their whole lives long. We owe it to our kids to give them a healthy biblical perspective on sex. Use natural opportunities to bring it up casually. Do not make it something that is uncomfortable to talk about. Bring it up as often as it presents itself. God’s word teaches us to teach our children “in the milieu”. The word milieu means middle. This means we are to teach our children in the middle of life, as life presents the opportunity. Let’s look briefly at Deut 6, verse

6 These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.

7"^(J)You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.

8"^(K)You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.

9"^(L)You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Now while this verse teaches specifically about teaching about the Lord, we can benefit from the idea of how we are to teach. This gives us a picture of teaching during life. When we sit, when we walk, when we lie down in bed at night, when we rise up and are in the car on the way to school. This does not give us a picture of sweaty palms, pulled shades, hushed tones and pulling out a large sex book that weights 14 pounds thumping it down on the table and saying “Alright honey, now we are going to talk about SEX!”

Here are some specific examples of ways to bring it up naturally:

• When reading the Bible and words like Adultery, lust, immorality, or “let her breasts satisfy you”come up. Maddie was in the garden one day singing the phrase “let her breasts satisfy you” . I laughed and said Maddie, “Why in the world are you singing that?” She told me she read it in the Bible and I used that casual opportunity to tell her one of the reason why God gave women breasts was for their husbands to enjoy. Simple and yet slowly over time building a RIGHT biblical perspective of sex for my child. After that I light heartedly told her it was a phrase that she probably should not be singing about, but she was always welcome to come to me with any questions she had. ***Note: Maddie has given me permission to share this story with you.
  

• When passing Billboards:

  Recently we passed a billboard for the movie Juno. It is a story of a teenager who gets pregnant & has a huge picture of a pregnant teenager on it. Because I did not take this opportunity to discuss this with one of my children, she carried a burden for almost two months totally unbeknownst to me. She finally came to me bawling because she is innocent and even though she knew the basics of sex in her innocence, did not fully understand the details of how one gets pregnant, she had been carrying around the fear that that might happen to her. Looking back I could have said something like "Do you know why that young girl in that movie is pregnant?" or "Do you think that young girl followed God's plan for sex in marriage?" These are the kinds of things our kids are seeing on a daily basis unless you board up your windows and never leave your home

So don't be so foolish as to think talking about sex from a Biblical perspective is going to rob your children's of their innocence. You are right in thinking there is someone who wants to rob them of their innocence but it is not you! Get to your kids before the world does.
~To be continued.....